When I Look at the World
by Zenya
Summary: How much suffering can Harry take? After going back to the Dursley's for the summer, Uncle Vernon makes Harry's life considerably worse, as punishment for Fred and George's trick on Dudley. Will anyone save Harry before it's too late? R/R!
1. Musings Under the Stars

The cool nighttime breeze blew into Harry Potter's bedroom window, as he stared wishfully up at the glowing stars. Not even their silvery beauty could brighten his spirits that night. Too much had happened, there was to much pain, to much suffering in the world and in Harry's life, he felt he could never be happy again. It took all his strength not to retreat into his own head and hide from the world for the rest of his life.   
  
For one so young, Harry knew too much about the harsh realities of the world. His parents had died when he was just a baby, fighting the evil dark lord Voldemort, who made his life miserable to this very day. After the attack that killed his parents, Albus Dumbledore (headmaster of Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, where Harry would be starting his fifth year in September) had sent Harry to live with his uncaring and magic intolerant relatives, the Dursley's.   
  
Then, during Harry's fourth year at Hogwarts, he was entered in the triwizard tournament- all part of a plan to bring Voldemort back to full power. Unfortunately, the plan worked, and Voldemort was brought back to his body, but not before Harry's fellow contestant in the tournament, Cedric Diggory was murdered- an image Harry would take to the grave with him. Then, while dueling for his life with Voldemort, the ghosts like forms of Harry's parents, and other murder victims of Voldemort's were forced out of Voldemort's wand, through the priori incantatem spell- another image Harry would never forget.   
The events of Harry's school year had shaken him up badly- he and his best friends Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger hoped he would have an easy, peaceful summer. However, the Dursley's felt vastly different.   
  
The second Harry and Uncle Vernon arrived on 4 Privet Drive, Vernon turned to Harry, looking furious, and his beefy face a dangerous shade of red.   
  
"Boy, there will be none of that funny business this summer! Vernon snarled, his jowls quivering. After that stunt you pulled last summer to our poor Dudley, you need to be disciplined. Everyday you will complete out list of chores before I get home from work, you there will be consequences. He laughed bitterly. Maybe that will get some of that evil out of you."   
  
Harry nodded meekly. His confidence nearly diminished after his traumatic year- not that he had ever been particularly good at standing up to his uncle…  
***  
  
Harry shifted his position by his window slightly, so the Dog Star was in sight. He missed Sirius so much. He wished more than anything, that his godfather would suddenly appear in his bedroom and whisk him away to a world where there was no Voldemort, and Sirius was a free man.   
  
Still staring at the bright stars, Harry's thoughts turned back to earlier that summer- the first time Harry felt the consequences.   
  
It was about a week into the summer holidays, around 6:00pm. Harry was in the middle of cooking dinner, when his uncle came stomping into the house and grabbed him by the shirt collar.   
  
"Boy! He roared. What did I tell you about the garden? You're supposed to be WEEDING, not trampling your aunt's flowers!"  
  
"What do you mean? Harry asked cautiously, I weeded the garden this morning, and I don't remember trampling on any flowers?"   
  
Uncle Vernon dragged Harry over to the front window and pointed with a shaking finger to the row of daises on the east end of the garden, where two of the daises lay flattened.   
With a pang of guilt, Harry remembered how tired he had been after not being able to sleep last night, so he'd dragged the shovel along after him, instead of carrying it, not realizing that he's accidentally trampled some flowers in the process.   
  
"I'm sorry Uncle Vernon, he apologized, it was an accident, I didn't see them-"  
  
"Accident my ass! You did it on purpose, and you know it" Uncle Vernon roared angrily, shoving him into a wall.   
  
Harry's head thumped against the wall, and he felt a jolt of pain shoot from his head to his stomach. He also felt slightly surprised. Sure, his uncle never minded hurting him before, but this time, there seemed to be a more intense anger vibrating from his body, and a cold glint shone in his eyes as he advanced toward him.   
  
"Let this be a lesson to you boy, Uncle Vernon shouted, as Harry cringed from the putrid breath, which was assaulting his nostrils. Your abnormality will not ruin my family's life!" He finished, and then proceeded to punch Harry in the stomach several times, before walking away to read the evening paper.   
  
Trembling, Harry got up and went back into the kitchen to finish cooking dinner. He knew it was going to be a long summer.  
*****   
  
Harry slowly got up from window, careful not to jar is broken ribs- and injury he's received several days ago, for not washing the dishes fast enough, and painfully got into bed. He wondered how close it was until school started again. Over the summer, Harry had lost count of the days, as the beatings grew steadily worse, and his hunger pangs her sharper.   
  
After a few weeks of not cooking the Dursley's food to Aunt Petunia's satisfaction, Harry was forced to live on scraps of left overs, and sour milk. Eventually, Harry's stomach could barely hold any food down- he was throwing up the stale food at least once a day. Then, yesterday, a new, sharper pain emerged in the middle of his abdomen. At first Harry paid no attention to it, since it wasn't as bad as his other aches, but as time went on, the pain was becoming sharper, and concentrating in his lower right abdomen.   
  
Harry shifted in his bed and tried to find a more comfortable position. Apparently there weren't any. Sighing, Harry got up and resumed him place at the window. Fingering the bars that had been fitted to the window at the beginning of the summer, Harry wondered if Azkaban was much worse than this.   
  
****   
  
The next night, Harry was back in his old position by the window. Sleep was out of the question. Last night, after he's finally fallen asleep, he dreamt about Cedric and Voldemort. Always Voldemort…  
  
Harry also knew he's never be able to sleep with the newly formed bruises on his back from his Uncle's belt, and the ever increasing nausea in his stomach. Slowly, Harry turned his dizzy, fatigued head toward the heavens and prayed for a miracle.   
****   
  
Miles away, in Manchester Harry's miracle was just getting out of bed. Sleepily, Sirius Black stumbled into the kitchen, where his friend Remus Lupin sat waiting, munching a tuna sandwich.  
  
"Sorry Moony, guess I dozed off there." He said, gabbing a bite of Remus's sandwich.   
"That's ok Padfoot, just as long as we get to Harry's house before dawn. Remus said, making no comment about the stolen sandwich. Are you sure about this?" He asked Sirius, a beat later.   
  
Sirius shot up from his chair, and began pacing.  
  
"Of course I'm sure about it! I haven't gotten a letter from Harry all summer, and then Ron wrote to me to tell me that Harry's owl Hedwig showed up, with a note from Harry asking Ron to keep her for the rest of the summer. Something's wrong with Harry, Moony, I just know it." Sirius finished his passionate speech, and sat back down at the table.   
Remus knew when to trust his friend, and this was one of those times he decided. Besides, he was getting a bit worried about Harry too. Remus turned to face Sirius, with his old glint back in his eyes.  
  
"Well, let's go then."  
  
Together the two friends apparated to the edge of Little Whinging and prayed that Harry would be ok.   
  
Back in his room, Harry wished desperately for a glass of water. After a few agonizing minutes of intense nausea, Harry had finally vomited into the trash basket by his closet. As much as he wanted the glass of water, he knew it was impossible. A few weeks ago, Uncle Vernon had begun locking Harry in his room at night, for "the family's protection."   
  
Suddenly, Harry heard muffled noises outside his room.   
  
"So the death eaters have finally come for me." His fevered mind murmured.   
  
Harry knew he was too weak to defend himself against a death eater- but he wasn't going out without a fight.   
  
Battling the ever-increasing dizziness, Harry picked up Hedwig's cage, determined to knock out at least one of the death eaters. Harry tensed up, waiting, then-  
  
"Alorhamora!"   
  
"Harry?" a familiar voice asked.   
  
Crash.  
  
"Ouch! Bloody Hell! What was that?"  
  
"Sirius?" Harry whispered incredulously.  
  
"And me." Remus said strolling into the room.   
  
"Professor Lupin? Harry whispered, sitting down, very fast on his bed. I thought you were death eaters."   
  
"Harry, what's been going on? Sirius asked, sitting down beside Harry. Why haven't you written, why did you send Hedwig to Ron's?"   
  
"Wait! Harry cried, avoiding the question. The Dursley's are going to wake up! They'll see you, and-"  
  
Remus smiled, and held up his hand.  
  
"Calm down Harry. We put sleeping charms on all of them. They won't wake up for another six hours."   
  
Harry let out his breath.  
  
"I'm sorry. I'm glad you two are here- I just didn't want you to get caught." His voice trailed off, as he felt another sharp pain in his stomach. During the "death eater attack," he had forgotten all about his pain. Now it was coming back full force.   
  
"Harry? Harry are you ok?" Sirius asked putting a comforting hand on his shoulder."   
"Lumos" Harry heard Remus mutter, and a bright light filled the room.   
  
Sirius and Remus gaped at Harry for a few moments, before springing into action. Remus jumped up and went over to where Sirius and Harry sat.  
  
"What happened to you?" He asked softly.  
  
"It was those miserable muggles, wasn't it? Sirius growled, beginning to check Harry over. Ron told me, when he wrote to me that he was worried that they might have done something to you."   
  
Harry shrugged off their questions, not yet ready to answer.   
  
"Blimey Harry, you're burning up!" Sirius exclaimed, feeling his forehead. Remus jumped up,   
  
"Where are your things Harry? We're getting you out of here. Remus said, his face a hard mask, not betrying to emotion he felt underneath.   
  
"My trunk is locked in the cupboard under the stairs." Harry said looking down, not wanting his godfather and former teacher to have to see his face anymore.   
  
"Harry, look at me." Sirius said, putting a hand on the boy's bony shoulders after Remus left the room.   
  
Harry look up at Sirius, startled.   
  
"We're going to get you out of here, where you can live with people who love you, and care about you, and I promise you, we'll never lose contact again. I'll be a better godfather to you Harry."  
  
"Stop. Harry interrupted. You don't have to prove anything, or make up for anything."   
  
"No, Harry, I'm saying these things because I care about you." Sirius said emotionally, enveloping Harry into a tight hug.   
  
Harry wearily laid his head against his godfather's chest. He wondered how much Sirius really meant what he had just said. He wanted to believe him- but there was something holding him back. A part of Harry just wasn't ready to fully trust anyone yet. He had been hurt for too long, and the events of his fourth year, and the summer had wounded him deeper than anyone knew.   
*****   
  
A few minutes later, Remus called up the stairs that it was time to go. Harry gathered his belongings that were under the loose floorboard, with some difficulty. Sirius's hug had been murder on his ribs and abdomen. Trying to get his mind off the pain, Harry asked,  
  
"Where exactly are we going?"   
  
"To Remus's house in Manchester. Sirius replied. You do want to leave don't you?"   
Harry nodded vigorously.   
  
"Good, because I would have taken you with us even if you refused to leave." Sirius said, glancing toward Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia's room with suppressed fury.   
  
After Harry's belongings were bewitched to levitate, the trio set off to the apparation point.   
  
"How are we going to get there? Harry asked. I can't apparate. Are we going somewhere to use floo powder?"   
  
"Nope, we're apparating." Remus answered. When we go, you'll just have to grab onto Sirius or myself. It's a lot like riding in a muggle car. Just because you can't drive it doesn't mean you can't ride in it."  
  
"Oh. Harry said, surprised. So, if we can apparate, why didn't we do it back at the house?"   
"Don't you know about the barriers?" Sirius asked him, looking surprised.   
  
Harry shook his head, wondering again why no one ever tells him anything.   
  
"Well, Remus began, there are anti-apparation barriers around your neighborhood, like at Hogwarts, and so we have to walk to the edge of Little Whinging. There are tons of protection wards around your house too." He added as an after thought.   
  
"How were you able to get in then?"  
  
Sirius snickered. "Moony and I conned Dumbledore into taking them down, so we could get in."   
  
Remus rolled his eyes. "We did not, he knew what we were doing the whole time, but you were to exited to play con artist to notice."   
  
Harry started laughing, but quickly stopped. Laughing made him feel like his ribs were being stomped on, and the pain in his abdomen doubled. Harry gasped softly and bent over, hoping the pain would go away.   
  
"Harry, what is it?" Sirius exclaimed, grabbing Harry's arm, as his knees buckled.   
  
"My stomach. Harry gasped. It's been hurting bad for a couple days now… it's getting sharper." His voice grew weaker.   
  
"Here, Sirius, lay him here." Remus commanded.   
  
Sirius laid Harry on a spot in the grass, and tried to cushion Harry's head, then felt his forehead.   
  
"I think his fever's getting higher, Remus." Sirius said, with a not of panic in his voice.   
Remus lifted Harry's shirt up, and put his hand on Harry's lower right abdomen.   
  
"Is there were it hurts?" He asked.   
  
Harry stiffened, trying not to cry out, only managing a weak nod. Sirius met Remus's eyes.   
  
"Don't worry Harry, you'll be alright. The same thing happened to your mother, if it's what we think it is." Sirius said trying to reassure Harry.   
  
"We need to get him to a doctor, right now." Remus muttered to Sirius. Sirius nodded and gently picked up the nearly unconscious Harry, and began to hurry toward to apparation point. If Harry's illness was what they thought it was, things needed to happen quickly.  
***   
  
By the time Sirius, Remus, and Harry reached the apparation point, Harry was shivering with fever, and Sirius and Remus were getting more and more worried. Especially when the air, about fifteen feet in front of them began to shimmer, like it does when a person is about to apparate into their destination.   
  
"Look." Remus said, pointing to the shimmering spot.   
  
Sirius nodded. Together, guided by an unspoken cue, they crept into the shadows, near a row of trees.   
  
With a pop, two figures appeared, wearing dark hoods. One was tall and skinny. The other, short and plump. The pair stood for a moment, whispering to each other, while Sirius and Remus watched nervously. Suddenly, Sirius was struck by and idea.   
"Moony, he whispered. Open Harry's trunk and see if you can find his invisibility cloak. Then, you can take Harry and apparate back to your house."   
  
Remus nodded, considering the idea.   
  
"What about you?"   
  
"I'll just hide here until they leave, then apparate back. Two death eaters don't scare me." He grinned.   
  
Remus glared at Sirius. "You don't even have your wand with you."   
  
"I'll borrow yours! Come on Moony, Harry needs help. The longer we wait, the worse his situation could get." There was a note of pleading in Sirius's voice, which Remus clearly heard.   
  
"Fine, he said, his demeanor softening. Just don't get hurt, or Harry will never forgive us."   
  
Of course fate, as it does with all brilliant plans, interfered.   
  
When Remus opened Harry's trunk, it's rusty hinges let out a terrible squeak, which was easily heard in the still, silent night. For a moment, the world held its breath, then,  
"Stupefy!" The curse flew through the trees, narrowly missing Sirius and Harry.   
  
"Go! Remus hissed. Take Harry and apparate back, there's no time, just go!"   
  
Sirius nodded. Holding on tightly to Harry, Sirius and Remus ran for the barrier, praying the death eaters were slow and stupid.   
  
"Impedimenta." The curse hit Remus and he began moving in slow motion. Sirius's mouth went dry. They were dead for sure. Suddenly, a familiar voice rang into the night.   
  
"Remus? Sirius?" The voice asked?   
  
"Who are you?" Sirius asked, trying to shield his godson.  
  
The two figures took off their hood, and familiar red hair gleamed against the night.   
"Mr. and Mrs. Weasley?" 


	2. Healing of the Body, Trouble of the Soul

A/N Sorry this took so long, but I went to the beach, and couldn't type it... I did write the chapter outlines though. (Riding in a car for six hours is really inspirering for some reason.)   
  
A/N2 Don't have illusions of getting a tan when your skin is naturally pale.   
  
A/N3 Thanks to those who reviewed! *Dances* To the people who asked about a mailing list, there isn't one, but if enough people ask for one, there can be. To people who think Harry has appendicitus... well, he did origionally, but then I changed the whole plot of the story... but the stomach thing is important, so don't forget about it.   
  
A/N4 Reviews are appriciated (hint, hint)  
  
A/N5 Enough with the A/N's and on with the story!  
  
Chapter Two   
  
Sirius and Remus stared at the two redheads in disbelief.   
  
"What are you doing here?" Remus finally asked.   
  
"Checking on Harry. Arthur replied. I see you've beat us to it."   
  
Mrs. Weasley stared at the slight figure in Sirius's arms.   
  
"Is that Harry?" She whispered.   
  
Sirius and Remus nodded.   
  
Mrs. Weasley paled, and came over to examine him, while Remus explained what had been going on.   
  
"…We're taking him back to my home, and contacting Madam Pomfrey and Dumbledore, why don't you come with us, I'm sure Harry will be glad to see you when he wakes up." Remus finished.   
  
The two Weasleys nodded, and together, the group apparated to Remus's home in Manchester.   
  
Remus's house was a small split-level cottage, hidden away from the road, with few neighbors in sight. The was a sturdy red barn in the large back yard, which Remus used during the times he couldn't obtain the wolfsbane potion.   
  
As the group walked up the front steps, Mrs. Weasley admired the neatly kept garden and yard, and then mentally shook herself. This was no time to be marvel at flowers and grass.   
  
When Sirius got inside, he gently laid Harry down on the nearest couch and covered him with a blanket, and sat down next to him. The paler Harry grew, the more worried Sirius became. He wished Harry could wake up, and wondered, with a note of panic, what the Dursley's had done to him.   
  
Sirius felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up into the kind eyes of Arthur Weasley.   
  
"Molly's just called on Madam Pomfrey and Dumbledore. They should be here soon. In the meantime, he said briskly, try not to wind yourself up into too much of a panic. It won't do Harry any good to have you in St. Mungo's, recovering from a heart attack."   
Sirius smiled faintly, but didn't move from his place beside Harry.   
  
Ten minutes later, Madam Pomfrey and Albus Dumbledore arrived in the kitchen with a pop.   
  
"What's he got into now?" Madam Pomfrey asked bustling into the front room. "Another quidditch accident I suppose."   
  
"Poppy, it's the middle of the night. I don't think Harry was playing quidditch." Dumbledore said calmly, before Sirius broke in.   
  
"No." He said glaring angrily at the mediwitch, "It was that horrible muggle!"   
  
"What Sirius is trying to say, is that we think Harry's uncle did this." Remus said Indicating to the form huddled on the couch. "Neither Sirius, or any of Harry's friends had gotten any owls from him all summer, which is very unusual for him. Then, He sent his owl to Ron Weasley's house and asked him to take care of her for the rest of the summer- so everyone suspected something was wrong with Harry, then Dumbledore took down the ward around his house, and Sirius and I went to check on him."   
  
"Then, when we got there, he wasn't looking good at all, so, we decided to bring him back here, but on the way to the apparation point, he started feeling really sick, and practically passed out."   
  
Sirius looked up. "We think he might have appendicitis. He's acting just like Lily, when she had it."  
  
"Oh dear." Madam Pomfrey murmured, looking out Harry. "I'd better get to work then. Alone she finished pointedly.   
  
The Weasleys, Dumbledore, Sirius, and Remus reluctantly went into the kitchen to wait. Suddenly, Dumbledore turned to the Weasley, and amused smile playing around his eyes.   
  
"I imagine you two gave Sirius and Remus quite a shock when they met up with you?"  
Mrs. Weasley looked abashed. "We thought they were death eaters at first."  
  
"We thought you were death eaters too! And it didn't help when you tried to curse us." Sirius exclaimed. "By the way, you never really explained why you two were on Privet Drive."   
  
"Ron begged us for days to do something- ever since Hedwig came. Finally he threatened to run away and get Harry himself. By that time we were getting worried about Harry ourselves, so we decided to check up on him." Mr. Weasley explained.   
  
Dumbledore chuckled, but was interrupted when Madam Pomfrey stuck her head in the doorway.  
  
"You can come back in the room now, I'm done with my exam, but he's not awake yet."   
Sirius stood up quickly. "Is he going to be ok?" He asked.   
  
The mediwitch sighed, and then sat down at the table, looking tired.   
  
"Well, he has four broken ribs, a slight concussion, severe malnutrition, and a fever, but I'm not sure what it's from yet, and is generally pretty bruised. I was able to fix most of it, but he'll be sore for a few days, and his strength will have to be built back up."  
  
"What about his stomach?" Remus asked.   
  
"Must have been from the lack of food, because I did a magical scan on him, and didn't detect appendicitis."  
  
"That's a relief. Mrs. Weasley sighed. "I could just kill those Dursley's. I always knew they were trouble."   
  
"Harry never actually admitted, that it was them." Remus cautioned. "But, I'd go on a date with Snape if it wasn't."   
  
Everyone snorted at the thought. Then Sirius, who had been positively howling with laughter, stopped and pricked his ears up.   
  
"I think I heard something in there." He said pointing to the adjacent room.   
  
Everyone turned toward the front room. Suddenly, they heard a rustling sound, and a muffled moan.   
  
The group rushed into the room to find Harry trying to get off the couch.   
  
Madam Pomfrey was in her element. "Harry Potter, get back on that couch right now!" She ordered.   
  
Sirius helped a sheepish looking Harry back onto the couch.  
  
"How're you feeling?" He asked.   
  
Harry shrugged, "I'm ok."   
  
Sirius raised his eyebrows and gave Harry a look that very sarcastically stated, "Right, you look up to running a marathon right now." But before anyone could comment on this, Madam Pomfrey looked at the clock and exclaimed,   
  
"Look at the time! I'd better be getting back to the hospital wing- Severus should be back from his meeting soon… it's nearly 5:00AM. I'll leave Harry some strengthening potions in the kitchen, which he should take twice a day, for the next week." With that, she turned on her heel, strode into the kitchen, and disapparated.   
  
Sirius turned back to Harry, who was starting to drift off again, and brushed the hair off his forehead.   
  
"Go back to sleep, Harry, we'll be here when you wake up." He said softly, before Harry fell back into an uneasy sleep.   
***************************   
  
Back in the kitchen, Remus and Dumbledore were talking quietly, having just finished saying goodbye to the Weasley's, who had disapparated to the Burrow.   
  
"Ah, Sirius, we were just talking about Harry's living situation." He said, when Sirius walked in.   
  
"Where's he going to live? Obviously he can't go back to his relatives."   
  
"If Harry wants to, we were thinking that he could live here, with us. I know he'd love to be around you, Sirius, and since you've taken over my house…" Remus broke off smiling.  
  
"Hey! You said you didn't mind me living here for awhile." Sirius exclaimed indignantly.   
  
Dumbledore cleared his throat, and interrupted the playfully bickering marauders. "Boys, back to the subject, please."   
  
Remus laughed. "Anyway, I would love to have Harry here too, so if it's alright with him, he'll stay here for the rest of the summer."   
  
"In that case, we will have to set up some protection wards around the house, like at the Dursley's." Dumbledore explained. "And keep in mind Harry's state of mind, things have been hard on him, he may be… different." He finished cryptically.   
  
"What exactly do you mean?"  
  
"We'll see, I'm not even sure… we should just be aware of Harry's emotional needs right now." Dumbledore explained.   
  
Remus and Sirius looked at each other, still not positive about what Dumbledore was talking about, but they knew they would never get a straight answer out of him when he was in one of his cryptic moods.   
  
"I'd better leave too." Dumbledore said. "I have an appointment with Severus in a few hours." The old wizard stood up, stretched, then disapparated.   
  
After drinking a strong cup of tea, Remus went upstairs to take a shower, and to try and get some sleep, but Sirius went back into the front room to watch over his godson. He knew he wouldn't be able to sleep after everything that had happened during the night- and he was too guilty and worried about Harry.   
  
He couldn't believe no one had noticed the abuse before. Thinking about it made Sirius want to smash something. Harry had already been through so much; didn't life ever cut him a break?   
  
The thought made Sirius determined to be a better godfather to Harry, and to be there for him.   
  
Meanwhile on the couch, Harry shifted on the couch. He hadn't fallen back to sleep, since waking up in Remus's house. He was to busy thinking over things. He was, of course, grateful that Sirius and Remus had rescued him from the Dursley's, but a part of him wondered why. He knew he didn't deserve to live in peace after what he did to Cedric, and the rest of the world, by letting Voldemort resurrect. Harry knew in his heart that he deserved his uncle's punishments, and a small part of him wished that Sirius and Remus had left him at the Dursley's. 


	3. Welcome to My Nightmare

A/N: This was hard to write... don't know why... probabley because not much happens... the plot really picks up in chapter four and five, so don't stop reading... is anyone reading this?   
  
A/N2: I think someone asked if there will be slash... nope, everyone is to busy worry about Harry and moldie-voldie to be very romantic...  
  
A/N3: My muse is a drunk  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 3: Welcome to My Nightmare   
  
  
  
Later that day, Harry finally woke, and found Sirius snoozing in a chair beside him. Quietly, so not to wake Sirius, Harry got up from the couch and made his way to the kitchen. Each step jolted his bruised body, and made him wince in pain. "At least it's not as bad as before." Harry thought to himself.   
  
When he got to the kitchen, Harry came face to face with Remus, munching on a sandwich. Upon seeing Harry, he pulled out a chair and motioned for him to sit down.   
  
"Hungry?" Remus asked.   
  
Harry shook his, then asked,  
  
"Where are we? Your house?"   
  
Remus nodded. "You don't remember much about last night, do you?"   
  
"A little. I remember you and Sirius being in my room, but after that, everything is a little fuzzy." Harry replied.   
"After leaving your house, you collapsed on the way to the apparation point, so we needed to get to a safe place, where we could call Madam Pomfrey."  
  
Harry winced, remembering the number of times he had collapsed in front of his former professor.   
  
Sensing Harry's discomfort, Remus smiled kindly at him, before continuing the story.   
"After Mr. and Mrs. Weasley and us got here, Madam Pomfrey and Professor Dumbledore arrived."  
  
"Wait." Harry interrupted. "Mr. and Mrs. Weasley were there too? Why?"   
  
Remus chuckled, remembering when "the death eaters" had shown up. "Well, they were worried about you too, Harry, so they were coming to check on you. Unfortunately, they assumed Sirius and I were death eaters, and nearly cursed us."   
  
Harry laughed too, at the thought of Sirius, Remus and the Weasley's cursing each other. Then a darker thought dawned on him.   
  
"Professor, you and Sirius told me about protection wards around my house. What about here? What if Voldemort comes? You'll be killed!"  
  
Remus marveled at Harry's perceptiveness, then smiled reassuringly at him. "First of all Harry, you can call me Remus, seeing as I'm not your professor anymore, and Sirius, Professor Dumbledore have already thought about protection spells, and put them up while you were sleeping, so don't worry about it. That, and I already have wards surrounding my yard for the full moon." He explained.   
  
Harry tried to smile. He still felt uncomfortable about having the three men do extra work because of him. Dumbledore was already busy enough.   
  
Suddenly, Remus and Harry heard several thumps coming from the next room. A second later, Sirius burst into the kitchen.   
  
"Harry, there you are!" He cried. "When did you wake up? How are you feeling?"   
  
"Down boy." Remus muttered. Harry smiled at Remus, and then answered his godfather's questions.   
  
"I woke up about 30 minutes ago, and I'm fine." He said, not wanting to mention his still aching ribs and muscles.   
  
"Well, since you're feeling better, why don't we go outside? There's something I'd like to show you." Sirius said, smiling mischievously.   
  
The two left Remus in the kitchen to finish his sandwich, and made their way to the backyard. Tethered to a maple tree in the far left corner, was none other than Buckbeak.   
  
Harry's eyes widened when he saw the familiar hippogriff, while Sirius laughed happily, at his godson's reaction.   
  
"I forgot all about him." Harry said, as they walked over, and bowed to Buckbeak.   
  
Sirius laughed again, when Buckbeak stared haughtily at Harry for a moment, before nuzzling his neck.   
  
"I guess he remembers you."   
  
Harry was thrilled to see how much Buckbeak liked him; it was almost like having a pet- something Harry had always wished he could have. Sure, Hedwig was great, but she was independent. More of a mail carrier than a pet. Absently petting Buckbeak, a forgotten memory forced it's way to the front of Harry's mind.   
  
//Harry was seven years old, and it was almost Christmas. Dudley had been begging his parents for a kitten for Christmas, and Harry was just as excited about the idea of an animal living in the house.   
  
On Christmas morning, Harry crept downstairs, before anyone else had gotten up. He wasn't excited about getting presents- he knew he wouldn't be getting any, but he was eager to see if Dudley had gotten the kitten he'd asked for.   
  
Sure enough, there was a tiny, fluffy, gray kitten in a pet carrier under the Christmas tree. Happily, Harry let the kitten out of the carrier, and it crawled into his arms. After petting the fuzzy kitten for a bit, Harry drifted off to sleep, with the kitten in his lap.   
  
About an hour later, when the rest of the house had woken up, Harry finally woke up with a slap on the face, and the sound of Dudley crying.   
  
"He touched my cat, now it's diseased." Dudley whined to aunt Petunia.   
  
"Don't worry sweetums, we'll make sure he won't do it again." Aunt Petunia reassured Dudley, who continued to cry.  
  
"Get rid of it, I don't want a cat anymore!" He demanded.   
  
Harry perked up. "But I could take care of it, if Dudley doesn't want it." He exclaimed.   
  
"You." Uncle Vernon sneered, rounding on him. "Absolutely not! If my Dudders doesn't want the animal, you certainly can't have it. Besides, the thing must be diseased to like you."//  
  
And that was the closest Harry had ever come to owning a pet. Not that it made him want one any less.   
*****************************   
  
Harry and Sirius spent the rest of the afternoon petting and playing with Buckbeak, who seemed just as taken with Sirius, as he was with Harry. Finally, they trouped into the kitchen, with Sirius claiming he was going to cook dinner.   
  
Harry looked at Sirius doubtfully as he began looking around the kitchen for different foods.   
  
"You don't have to cook, you know. I'm not even very hungry." Harry protested.   
  
"What? Afraid I can't cook?" Sirius asked indignantly.   
  
"No, he's afraid you'll give him food poisoning." Remus commented from the doorway.   
  
Sirius glared at his friend, and muttered something about werewolves having no idea about anything cooking related.   
  
Half an hour later, after much banging around on Sirius's part, and much to Harry and Remus's surprise, they were seated at the table eating a delicious meal of spaghetti and meatballs and garlic bread.   
  
"Take that Moony." Sirius said, winking at Harry.   
  
Remus tried to look dignified, and muttered something about how Sirius would make a great housewife.   
*****************  
  
Later that night, while Harry was getting ready for bed, in the spare bedroom, Remus said he could stay in, Harry thought over his day. Though his body still ached, it had been the happiest day he'd had in a long time. With that thought in mind, Harry went to bed, not knowing that his night might not be so happy.   
  
//Harry was walking down a long, silent hallway. The floors, ceiling and walls were a translucent jade green color, which made the walls glow eerily. Soon he came to a wooden door. The wood looked out if place against all the marble. Upon closer inspection, Harry noticed that it was his bedroom door at the Dursley's. Suddenly, it flew open.   
"How dare you escape from us you ungrateful little coward!?" Uncle Vernon yelled, emerging from the doorway.   
Harry tried to back away from his uncle, but his legs seemed glued to the floor.   
  
"We need you to do those chores, boy! But instead, here you are, freeloading, and causing trouble for your godfather. Is there anywhere, that you aren't a nuisance?" He shouted, becoming winded from the speech.   
  
Harry finally backed away from Uncle Vernon, only to find himself being pulled in a different direction, like he had just touched a portkey.   
  
Suddenly, Harry found himself in a dimly lit room, surrounded by dozens of hooded figures. But when a jolt a pain burst across his forehead, he knew it wasn't just death eaters that surround him.   
  
Quietly, Harry backed away from the circle. He knew this must be a dream, but he didn't to take any chances around Voldemort and a band of death eaters.   
  
Haughtily, Voldemort strolled around the circle, twirling his wand around his fingers. Finally, he stopped in front of one of the shorter death eaters.   
  
"Wormtail." He stated, his voice deadly calm.   
  
"Y-yes my lord?"   
  
"What makes you such an incompetent fool?"   
  
"I-"  
  
"Silence!" Wormtail's stuttering was cut short by Voldemort's angry shout.   
  
"Why did you not inform me that the Potter boy left his relatives house? It would have been the perfect opportunity to strike, but because of your blunder, the chance is lost."   
"I'm sorry my lord. I told you the second I found out, but it was too late, I'm sorry!" Wormtail cried, his stubby limbs beginning to shake.   
  
"Well, at least my other plan is working quite nicely." Voldemort said, ignoring the whimpering Wormtail. "No one suspects a thing."   
  
"Yes, a brilliant plan, master. The perfect way to get at Potter! Wormtail groveled.   
  
"Of course your mistake can't go on unpunished." Voldemort continued.   
  
"P-please, master-"  
  
"Crucio!"   
  
Suddenly, Harry's two dreams merged, and it was uncle Vernon kicking him in the ribs and yelling-//  
  
"Harry, Harry wake up!" He heard a familiar voice plead.   
  
Suddenly, instead of Voldemort or uncle Vernon, it was Sirius's worried face, Harry saw in front of him.   
  
"Sirius?" He asked, not quite awake yet.   
  
"I'm here."   
  
Suddenly, the pain from Harry's previous injuries, and the pain from his dream came flooding back to his body and he gasped.   
  
"Harry, what is it?" Sirius asked worriedly  
  
"Hurts." He mumbled.   
  
"What hurts?"   
  
"My head, everything." Harry said, his speech slurring.   
  
"Harry? Sirius? What's going on?" Remus asked, coming into the room.   
  
"Harry had a dream, about Voldemort I think- his scar his really hot. Can you get some ice and pain reducing potion?" Sirius asked, and Remus quickly left the room.   
  
"Harry?" Sirius asked, cradling Harry in his arms, "Was it a vision about Voldemort?"   
  
Harry nodded painfully- uncle Vernon's role in the dream was forgotten, with the thought of Voldemort.   
  
Sirius softly brushed the hair out of Harry's eyes. "Just try to sleep now, Harry, Remus will back with the potion soon. Forget about the pain." He said soothingly.   
  
But Harry knew he wouldn't be going back to sleep that night. He never could, after a vision from Voldemort. Dimly, he wondered what Voldemort and Wormtail were talking about when they mentioned "Voldemort's brilliant plan to get Potter."   
  
Slowly, Harry closed his eyes and let the pain wash over him. He wondered what Sirius thought of him now, since he had seen him in the throws of a vision.   
  
"Oh well." Harry murmured, just softly enough for Sirius to miss, "welcome to my nightmare." 


	4. Beautiful Day, Bad Night

Hi all! I'm actually updating... the world is comming to an end. Actually, I've been busy with school and junk... and microsoft Word died on my computer and I couldn't get to my story for the longest time, but it came back a few days ago! Wheeeeee! Soooo, anyone see "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"? I will be very dissapointed if you haven't! Anyway, Severus looked very beautiful... (round of applause for Severus.) Oh, by the way, sometime in December, there will be some Harry Potter oriented Christmas song parodies.   
  
Hmmmm, I'm actually going to reply to reviewers now... this just gets better and better!  
  
Coell: Thanks... the dream merging thing was greatly helped along by a friend of mine. Speaking of which, her name is BreetanyaViolet and you should read her fic called "The End of Those Days"   
  
BadBoyLover: Hi. Yes, Severus is in this chapter! Wheeeeeeeee! In fact, he'll be in the next chapter twice as much, muwhahaaa. (Why am I writing this? You've already read it.)  
  
Iggie: Thanks! Cool name, by the way. I've just interuppted myself writing this to read your profile... where did that picture come from, it's really cool? Also, I'm reading "Seeing Gray" ... very, very cool.  
  
Miss. Padfoot: Thank you. You also have a cool name :)  
  
Elven Goddess: Thanks. You have another cool name... I read "Absence of Something" and I really like it! Now update it!  
  
Bumblebee Bucy: Another cool name.Thank you... You're putting me on your favorites? Thats so cool! :) (I feel a squeal comming on.)  
  
Cenra-gal86: Yes, Dudley wanted a cat... I have no idea why I wrote that... in fact, while I was writing chapter 4, I was really wishing Dudley had wanted a dog. (you'll see why in a minute.) Ron and Hermione will visit soon... don't worry.  
  
Sakura Blossom- Look! I updated, now don't turn me into a rat! Hmmmm, If I had to mate with Wormtail, I would force myself to become a lesbian... by the way, I learned the other day that animals can be gay...  
  
Laterose: Here you go, and don't forget to breath!   
  
Kim: Yes, I must torture him because I am a cruel, sadistic person. Sorry I made you cry... (smiles proudly) hopefully you won't cry again... not making any promises though.  
  
Maryanne: Thanks. Can't tell you about the "plan." You'll find out in chapter five.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Beautiful Day, Bad Night  
  
  
At precisely 8:00AM, Severus Snape barged into Albus Dumbledore's office. Snape was never one for knocking, or entering a room quietly. Knocking wasted time, and as for entering a room quietly- well, that just wasn't possible.   
  
"Why hello Severus, I've been expecting you." Dumbledore said calmly, clearly used to Snape's abrupt entrances.   
  
Jet-black robes flowing behind him, Snape gracefully settled himself into the high backed chair in front of the headmaster's desk, and turned his sharp gaze on the headmaster himself.   
  
"Things are getting worse." He said without preamble.   
  
Dumbledore nodded, and waited for him to continue.   
  
"I was at the death eater meeting last night, and discovered- while a certain rat was being tortured, that Voldemort has a new plan to get at Potter." Snape explained.   
  
"Well, that's to be expected. Do you know anything about this plan, Severus?" Dumbledore asked.   
  
Snape tuned his piecing stare on Fawkes. "I couldn't find out very much. Just that it has something to do with his reletives hurting him, and suicide. He was too clear in his ranting."  
  
Dumbledore looked taken aback for a moment. "That is most intriguing."   
  
"Intriguing? I tell you the goddamn savior of the wizarding world is probably going to commit Voldemort induced suicide, and all you can say is intriguing?" Snape burst out, his hard, uncaring mask falling for just a moment.   
  
"Why Severus, I never knew you cared." Dumbledore said smiling benignly.   
  
"I don't."   
  
"Well." Dumbledore said, crossing the room to pet Fawkes. "All we can do for now is inform Sirius and Remus about the situation. We can't do any thing more until we know more about Voldemort's plans."   
  
"Now today is Harry's birthday, and we don't want to spoil his day-"   
  
At this, Snape's expression seemed to grow even more unpleasant.   
  
"So we will go and talk to them in the evening, so we don't disturb them." He finished. "We could wait until tomorrow, but this is a matter of the utmost importance."  
  
"We, Headmaster?" Severus asked.   
  
"Yes, Severus, we. You will come too, since you were actually at the death eater meeting. Also, it would be a wonderful opportunity for you and Sirius to work on your newly formed truce." Dumbledore was positively smirking now.   
  
Snape stormed out of the room, glowering all the way.   
  
  
  
*************   
  
Meanwhile, over at Remus's house, Sirius was staggering around the kitchen, peering into an empty coffee cup, deep in thought. He was so deep in thought, he didn't even notice when Remus walked in, and filled his coffee cup with coffee.   
  
"Ahhhhhhhhhh!" The coffee was now on Sirius's shirt.   
  
"I just wanted to help you out, since you had a coffee mug in your hand." Remus said smirking.   
  
Sirius just shrugged, and glared half heartedly, then slumped into a chair.   
  
Remus immediately sobered up. "What's wrong Sirius, you never were a morning person, but isn't this a bit extreme?"   
  
"I'm going to kill that monster." Sirius growled. "Then I'll kill the Dursley's."   
  
"Sirius, what are you talking about? Take it slowly and from the beginning, because these short, incoherent sentences really aren't working."   
  
"Well, remember last night? Harry had a dream." Sirius began.   
  
Remus nodded.   
  
"It was a vision from Voldemort." Sirius began twirling the coffee cup around, while Remus raised his eyebrows and waited for him to continue.   
  
"It really took a lot out of him" I knew those dreams were bad, I just never knew what they were really like until last night. Harry always downplayed them of course." Sirius sighed. "He was in so much pain, but that was partly the Dursley's fault. I just I would have known, I should have been there for him." Sirius sighed again, and massaged his forehead, like he knew a great headache was coming.   
  
"Sirius, you know you couldn't be there for him before, but now that you can be, you're doing everything you can to be there for him and love him- which is something he really needs." Remus said. "Don't worry, everything will be ok now, that Harry is away from the Dursley's."   
  
"Ever the voice of optimism, aren't you, Moony?"   
  
"Someone around here has to be."   
  
*************   
  
Upstairs, Harry had woken up, and was trying to listen to the muffled voices downstairs. He wasn't quite sure he wanted to risk moving, by getting out of bed yet. Last night had not been fun, and it had just reaffirmed his feelings that he was becoming even more of a bother to Sirius.   
  
Shaking his head as if trying to clear his thoughts, Harry finally sat up and swung himself out of bed. Quickly he changed his mind and sat back down. His head throbbed and his muscles were on fire. He let out a small moan and decided to go back to sleep. Unfortunately, there was a knock at the door, and Sirius barged in, while Harry pulled the blankets over his head, and burrowed his face in his pillow.   
  
"Harry?" Sirius asked, concern evident in his voice.   
  
Harry tightened his grip on the blankets. However, Sirius, being bigger and stronger than Harry, pulled the blankets off his head.   
  
"Come on Harry, you'll smother like that." Sirius said, trying to sound cheerful.   
  
Reluctantly, Harry rolled over, so he was facing Sirius.  
  
Sirius groaned inwardly. Harry looked horrible. His skin was pale, almost gray, and he had dark purple circles under his eyes.   
  
"Come on Harry." Sirius said again. "Time to get up and eat breakfast."   
  
Harry still didn't feel like getting up, but decided he might as well, since Sirius was being so insistent about it. Seeing that Harry was finally getting out of bed, Sirius walked over to the door, and then looked back at Harry.  
  
"By the way," He said casually. "Don't think I've forgotten your birthday, Harry." Then bounded out the door.  
  
It was his birthday? Harry thought in surprise. With everything that had happened so far this summer, Harry had completely forgotten about his birthday. With a brighter outlook on the day, and some of the pain diminishing from his limbs, Harry walked over to his closet to get dressed.   
*****************  
  
Meanwhile, downstairs, Sirius and Remus were busy finishing up their birthday decorations for Harry. So far they had let off a few Filibuster Fireworks that had covered the room with red and silver stars and sparkles, and had pinned a few gold streamers up. Sirius was trying to convince Remus to hang broomsticks from the ceiling, when Harry walked in.   
  
"Whoa... is all this for me?" He asked timidly.   
  
Sirius grinned. "Of course it is! You're the only one with a birthday today, now sit down over here and eat breakfast. Don't worry, Moony cooked it."   
  
Harry grinned. "Good. I didn't want to get food poisoning today."   
  
While Harry and Remus laughed, Sirius pretended to look hurt, and muttered something about cooking not being the most important thing in life, and then mentioned how he had cooked dinner the night before, under his breath.   
  
When they finished eating breakfast, Sirius and Remus took Harry into the front room to give him his birthday presents. After the initial gifts of clothes and candy, Remus and Sirius surprised Harry with their "special" gifts.   
  
"Here." Said Sirius, handing Harry a box wrapped in shiny blue paper. It's not much… but I think you'll like it. At least I hope you do…" He added under his breath.   
  
Harry took the box and shook it gingerly. Inside came a faint rattling noise. Anxious to find out what the present was, he quickly tore off the paper, and opened up the box. Inside the box was a scuffed up quaffle with black markings on it. Upon closer inspection, Harry saw that the markings were actually names.   
  
"Phoebe Caulfield." He read out loud. "Robert Ackley, Ward Stradlater, Sirius Black- You played quidditch, Sirius?"   
  
Sirius grinned proudly. "I was a beater." He said.   
  
Harry grinned back. Somehow he wasn't very surprised that Sirius had been a beater. He turned back to the quaffle and continued reading names.   
  
"Jane Gallagher, D.B. Caulfield, Captain James Potter…" Harry's voice trailed off. "This was my dad's?" He asked.   
  
Sirius nodded. "The team gave it to him after the quidditch final in our seventh year. He was captain that year, and scored about a hundred points in that game, so everyone signed the quaffle and decided to give it to James."   
  
"T-thanks Sirius." Harry said looking a bit stunned.   
  
"You're welcome kid." Sirius said, looking back at Harry, a bit sadly.   
  
A moment later, Remus cleared his throat. "I'll be right back. I'm going to get your last present Harry." He said, and then left the room.   
  
"You shouldn't have done that Sirius."   
  
"Done what?" Sirius asked.  
  
"Given me my dad's quaffle. I mean, I have his invisibility cloak and some pictures of him, but you don't have anything." Harry explained.   
  
Sirius smiled sadly. "But I do, Harry. I have ten years of memories, and experiences with them. Unfortunately, you didn't have much of a chance to get to know your parents, so you not only deserve to have their things, but you need them."---   
  
Harry looked down and played with an invisible thread on his pants. His vision was getting strangely blurry, and there was a lump in his throat.  
  
Sirius cleared his throat, his expression a mirror of Harry's. "Besides, I have lots of pictures of them, that I'll show you later, okay?"   
  
Harry nodded. All of a sudden, Remus came striding back into the room carrying a box with mesh wiring on the front.   
  
"What's that?" Harry and Sirius asked at the same time.   
  
"He didn't tell you?" Harry asked Sirius.  
  
Remus laughed. "Of course not! Every time I get someone a birthday present Sirius blabs it, so this year, I didn't say a word.   
  
"Yeah, yeah, I can't keep a secret, now what did you get Harry?" Sirius said dismissively.   
  
Remus set the box down on the floor, and opened the mesh wiring. Out of the box came a fluffy, black, white and gray kitten.   
  
"Whoa, it's a cat!" Sirius exclaimed.  
  
"Really Sirius, how ever did you figure that out?"   
  
Oblivious to Remus and his godfather's bickering; Harry carefully crawled down to the floor and held his hand out to the kitten. The kitten turned it's intelligent yellow eyes on Harry, sniffed his hand for a few seconds, then strutted over to him and placed it's head on his knee.   
  
A slow, genuine smile spread across Harry's face as he petted the kitten's head. He then turned to look at Remus and Sirius, who had stopped arguing and were smiling at he and the kitten.  
  
"How did you know I wanted a pet?" Harry asked  
  
Remus shrugged. "I didn't really. But I was watching you with Buckbeak yesterday, and the idea of getting you a pet hit me… you seem like more of a dog person, though, but of course you already have Sirius…"   
  
"Hey!" Sirius yelped.   
  
Harry laughed. "I love it. Thank you. By the way, is it a girl or a boy? I can never tell."   
  
"Girl." Remus answered. "And now that you know that, what are you going to name her?"   
  
Harry thought for a minute. "I dunno," he said. Then a thought struck him. Back at the Dursley's, he had found a book on Greek mythology, and the name Athena stuck out in his mind. Athena had been a goddess, but for what, he couldn't remember.  
  
"How about Athena." Harry said out loud.  
  
Remus and Sirius nodded their agreement.   
  
"Wasn't she some kind of goddess in Greek mythology?" Sirius asked.   
  
Harry nodded. "I can't remember which one though."   
  
Sirius nodded thoughtfully. "I have a book on that somewhere. I'll look it up then."   
  
Harry turned to the kitten. "How do you like the name Athena?" He asked her.   
  
The kitten purred and rubbed against his knee some more.   
  
Harry laughed. "Guess she likes it."   
  
***********************************************************  
  
Later that day, Harry was in his room petting Athena, who had already grown attached to him, when Hedwig and two other owls flew through the open window. Hedwig dropped a package and a letter on to his bed, and then flew into her cage to drink some water. The other two owls had settled themselves on his bed, staring at him. Harry quickly untied their bundles, and they flew off.   
  
Harry sat down on his bed next to Athena and opened the first letter, which bore the Hogwarts crest, and had the usual letter telling him school would begin September 1st, and also his list of books.   
  
The next letter was in Ron's messy scrawl:  
  
Harry,  
How are you? Mum and dad told me what happened, and I hope you're all right. If I ever meet those bloody Dursley's, I'll curse them into oblivion! Anyway, how are things going with Snuffles and Professor Lupin? It must be fun living with them. Things are the same around here, except Fred and George got some anonymous benefactor for the joke shop. (When we get back to school, don't eat ANYTHING they give you.) Mum keeps talking about you, and saying things about how she hopes you're gaining weight, because 'that boy is much to skinny!' Hopefully you'll be able to come over one of these days, because Bill and Charlie are home and they (and Fred) challenged you, me, George and Ginny to a quidditch match. Write back soon, and happy birthday!   
-Ron  
  
Along with Ron's letter, there was a box containing a practice snitch to "practice for the Weasley/Potter vs. Weasley quidditch extraordinaire.   
  
Next Harry opened a letter from Hermione.   
  
Dear Harry,  
How are you? I've been so worried since you haven't been writing back, and then Ron sent and owl telling me what happened to you at the Dursley's. Those people are horrid! I'm so glad you're living with Snuffles and Professor Lupin now. I've been very busy this summer, studying for O.W.Ls of course. They're coming up very fast you know. Happy birthday!   
Love,  
Hermione  
  
With Hermione's letter came a book called The Most Interesting and Obscure Quidditch Facts You will Ever Read. Harry smiled. Hermione always found interesting birthday presents for him.   
  
Harry set the cards and presents on his dresser, then laid down on his bed, thinking about his birthday. So far, it had been incredible. He hadn't gotten yelled at, beaten, or been forced to complete ridiculously long chore lists. His birthday had been acknowledged, and later that day he was going to have a birthday cake. Best of all, he had spent the day with his godfather and favorite professor- people who seemed to care about him.   
Even with these happy secure thoughts in his head, Harry drifted into sleep with a voice in the back of his mind whispering that he didn't deserve any of this.   
*************************************   
About an hour later, Harry woke up to the sound of Sirius calling his name from downstairs. Apparently it was time to eat dinner. Harry sat up, absently petting Athena. Something felt off, but he couldn't put his finger on what exactly.   
  
Suddenly, a flash of pain danced across his scar and a wave of dizziness engulfed him. Harry swayed for a seconded, but almost as soon as it had come, the pain was gone. By his feet, Athena meowed, sounding almost worried- if that was possible for a cat.   
  
"I'm okay." Harry reassured her, then made is way downstairs, puzzling over what had just happened.   
  
When he got to the kitchen, Harry saw Sirius and Remus already at the table, arguing good-naturedly about quidditch.   
  
"Harry!" Sirius called, "help this old man and I settle a little dispute we're having- are you ok? You don't look so good." He said, interrupting himself.   
  
"Yeah, I'm fine." Harry said. Then without further explanation, asked what they were having to eat.   
  
"Chicken and chocolate."   
  
"Er?"  
  
"Well, Sirius is having chicken with chocolate cake on it, but the sane people at this table are having fried chicken and vegetables and chocolate cake. Separately." Remus explained.   
  
Harry laughed. Only Sirius would be eating chicken with chocolate cake on top.   
  
"Here Harry." Remus said passing him the plate of chicken.   
  
But when Harry reached out to take the plate, a flash of pain jolted his scar again and he promptly passed out.   
  
  
  
Review I say, Review!  
  
And 1,000 points to the house of your choice if you know where the names of the quidditch players came from! 


	5. Until the End of the World

Thanks to Pip, Redraspberry, meg, ManicGrace, Sweets, Lady Awen of Rivendell, Fyre Eye, CokeFreak, Kuyo56, MorganD, justsarah, WillowGry29, BadBoyLover, Kim, Liza, Kimmy, Centra-gal86, Ashes, weird, Teufal Riddle, Aeryn Alexander, Coell, Naomi Silverwolf, and Masty2424 for reviewing chapter four.   
  
Chapter five is dedicated to MorganD, Kuyo56, justsarah, and Kimmy, who knew that the Quidditch Players came from the book "The Catcher in the Rye" by J.D. Salinger. By the way, I order you all to read that book! Muwhahaaaaa!   
  
Central-gal86: You said it was hard to believe that Ron and Hermione haven't visited Harry yet. It actually has only been a few days since Harry left the Dursley's- I think it seems longer though. Maybe they would have visited, but it wouldn't work with the story... don't worry though, they will!   
  
If anyone is wondering, the spell Voldie uses in Harry's first dream is in Bosnian... sort of...  
  
Sorry is this chapter sucks, but I didn't edit it at all... I really wanted to post it... Oh well, you'll figure it out.   
  
I am so excited about this chapter because I wrote a death scene!! Wheeeeeee! It was really fun, and now you all think i'm a morbid sadist... oh well. Oh, and don't worry about the death, it's no one important.   
  
Happy Holidays people!!!!!!!!!  
  
The title of this chapter (and this fic actually) is not mine, it's the title of a song by U2. I don't own it, or Harry Potter, etc.   
  
  
  
  
Chapter 5   
  
  
  
"Harry? Harry!" Sirius and Remus shouted, rushing over to him. But Harry just lay motionless on the floor beside his chair, turning paler by the minute.   
  
Sirius grabbed Harry and rolled him over so he was lying on his back. Harry's face was chalky white and his brow was drenched in sweat, making Sirius worry about him even more.   
  
Remus got down on the floor beside Sirius and felt Harry for a pulse. He breathed a sigh of relief when he found it.   
  
"I guess he's just passed out." Remus said dubiously. "Why don't you move him to the couch and we'll try to wake him up."   
  
"What are you going to do, try to enervate him?" Sirius asked, gently lifting Harry and placing him on the couch in the adjacent room.   
  
"I guess… that spell usually only works is the person was stupefied first."   
  
"Well, we don't have a lot of options, so you might as well." Sirius said worriedly.   
  
Cautiously, Remus put his wand to Harry's temple. "Enervate!"   
  
But Harry just stayed motionless.   
  
Remus stood up. "I'll call Madam Pomfrey." He said tersely.   
  
Sirius stayed kneeling beside Harry, compulsively smoothing and messing up his bangs. He didn't know what to do for Harry, but he felt he had to do something. Sirius had always been the guy in control of the situation and his life. When there was trouble, he always had a plan, or an excuse to bail himself and his friends out of trouble. This time, Sirius was helpless, and it was driving him mad.   
  
******************************  
  
Meanwhile, cut off from the chaos, Harry was walking through a deep forest. He didn't know where he was going, but he felt himself being pulled in a certain direction. Dimly, he wondered where Sirius and Remus were, and why he wasn't eating dinner with them anymore.   
  
After walking for a few more minutes, Harry came upon a wooden cottage that looked vaguely like Remus's. From inside, he heard a woman's voice singing what sounded like a lullaby, and a man's voice laughing.   
  
Suddenly, Harry realized where he was. He was home. He was in Godric's Hollow, and inside the cottage were his parents. Harry began to run to the place he had longed for, ever since he could remember, but before he could get there, there was an explosion and a blast of green light. Then there was the familiar, terrible sound of a high, cold laugh.   
  
"Am I near a dementor?" Harry muttered to himself.   
  
"No Harry, you are not near a dementor." A voice in the dark whispered to him. "This is all real, this is how it happened. This is how your slutty mother and wanker of a father died Harry. But you're still in their Harry, can you hear that?"   
  
A formerly soft sound that Harry had heard in the distance was magnified. It was a baby crying. It was Harry.   
  
"You are alive and they're dead, Harry." The voice continued. "Maybe if you would have died, they could have lived? That was a bit selfish of you, wasn't it? You let them die so you could live. Who'll be next? Will Sirius die for you? Dumbledore? Remus? It's all up to you."   
  
Harry was shaking; he put his hands over his ears. "This isn't real." He told himself. "It's a dream. Voldemort is doing something to me, and this is just a dream."   
  
The voice, or Voldemort, as Harry had correctly identified it, laughed. "This may be a dream, Harry, but that doesn't change the fact that you killed all those people. I've seen Cedric, you know. He isn't very happy that you let him die. You might as well have killed him when you first met him- it would have saved Wormtail the trouble."   
  
"Shut up!" Harry screamed. "I'm not listening to you!"   
  
Voldemort laughed coldly. "You seem a bit upset for someone who's not listening to me, Harry." He then pointed his wand at Harry.   
  
"Ja anatemisati ti ka bivsi beznadleznost!" He shouted.   
  
There was a burst of gold light, and suddenly, Harry was falling backwards through space, and seeing flashes of images he couldn't quite make out. Once he thought he saw Uncle Vernon, but realized it was just a flash. Then the voices came. First it was terrible screaming, then the quiet pleas of a child, fading into nothingness.   
  
"Harry!" The voices had started up again, only closer. "Harry wake up!" Harry realized that this wasn't just any voice. It was Sirius. He struggled to climb out of the fog that had engulfed him.   
  
Everyone in the room breathed a sigh of relief when Harry blearily opened his eyes.   
"W-what happened?" Harry asked, trying to sit up.   
  
"No, Harry, don't move yet." Sirius said gently. "And we have no idea what happened… we were just eating dinner, and you passed out. Then when we couldn't wake you up, we called Madam Pomfrey."   
  
"Her again?" Harry groaned. "She really must be sick of seeing me."   
  
Sirius and Remus snorted with laughter, while Madam Pomfrey bustled over and forced a potion down Harry's throat.   
  
"Go to sleep you." She said briskly. "You shouldn't be awake yet anyway.   
  
Harry's eyelids drooped as the sleeping potion Madam Pomfrey had just given him began to take affect. Seeing that Harry was now fast asleep, Sirius gently picked him up and took him to his room, then came back downstairs to talk to Remus and Madam Pomfrey.   
  
"What exactly's wrong with him?" Sirius asked upon returning.   
  
Madam Pomfrey sighed deeply. "Well Mr. Black, I'm quite baffled as to what could be causing this. All the injuries that I healed on him the other day seem to be back. Only this time, I couldn't heal them."   
  
"What?" Remus exclaimed. "How is that possible?"   
  
"I don't know. To be blunt, I've never seen anything like this in my life."   
  
Sirius put his head in his hands. Suddenly, there was a deep rumbling sound, and Severus Snape and Albus Dumbledore appeared in the fireplace. Athena, who had been lying on the couch jumped up and streaked up the stairs.   
  
"Poppy!" Dumbledore exclaimed, looking uncharacteristically surprised. "What are you doing here?"   
  
While the nursed tried to explain what had happed, Snape drifted over to Sirius. "Trouble in paradise, Black?" He sneered.   
  
"You're such a bastard, Snape." Sirius sneered back, calmly. Snape looked surprised, obviously he wasn't expecting such a calm reaction from Sirius Black. But age and Azkaban had calmed his temper, somewhat- and having things other than Snape to worry about helped him not rise to Snape's challenge.   
  
"We have recently been informed of Voldemort's most recent plans for Harry." Dumbledore was saying to Remus, as Sirius brought his attention back to the situation at hand. "I believe this could be it. Severus, why don't you tell everyone what you know of the situation?"   
  
Snape tried not to roll his eyes to obviously at the concerned looks on Remus's and Poppy's faces and said "Although Voldemort is not particularly chatty while torturing death eaters, I did learn a bit of information regarding Potter."   
  
"First of all, his plan has something to do with the abuse he suffered under his relatives, and he was going to perform a spell through some connection they have."   
"Harry's scar." Said Remus. "Harry sees visions from Voldemort in dreams through his scar."   
  
"But it's always visions, not Harry and Voldemort interacting in anyway." Sirius pointed out.   
  
"Another puzzling question." Dumbledore sighed. "One that only Harry can answer."   
Everyone looked downcast for a moment, deep in his or her own thoughts, until Dumbledore cleared his throat and stood up.   
  
"I must be going." He said, "I have a pile of letters to the ministry I have to write and a wonderful slice of cheesecake waiting for me. Severus, Poppy?" He motioned for them to leave with him. Pleasantries were exchanged and the three returned to Hogwarts, leaving Sirius and Remus to the quiet emptiness of a grave situation.   
  
***************************  
  
Voldemort laughed cruelly and twirled a strand of Petunia Dursley's wavy blonde hair.   
"Aren't you a pretty one?" He whispered. "Of course you are though, you are an Evens after all."   
  
"I'm not an Evens!" She spat out. "I'm a Dursley! And any seconded now my husband will be here to rescue me from you ugly, abnormal wizard."   
  
Voldemort laughed again and let go of Petunia's hair with a yank. "Oh really? Is going to rescue you by running the other way, like he did when I captured you?"  
  
Petunia's lip trembled. "He was just scared. But he'll be here." She said with false bravado.   
  
As if touched by sudden inspiration, Voldemort caressed Petunia's cheek with his chalky white hand. "My pretty little squib acts so brave, even in the face of death. Aren't you scared, little squib?"   
  
Petunia said nothing, but struggled against the ropes that bound her to a hard, wooded chair. Finally, she gave up and stared Voldemort in the eyes and asked the question he had been dreaming for.   
  
"Why are you doing this? I didn't do anything to you! I know you killed my sister, but I never did anything to stop you!  
  
Voldemort smiled, showing his jagged teeth. "Oh no, you have nothing to do with Lily. This doesn't even have anything to do with the fact that you're a despicable squib. You, my dear flower are about do die because of that nephew of yours. Harry Potter."   
"What does that little brat have to do with this?"   
  
"Everything, my flower. For I know that he can see this, and I want him to know that you are dying at his hands." Voldemort sneered.   
  
"Happy birthday Harry." He laughed. Then,  
  
"Avada Kedavra!"   
  
*********************************************  
  
Sirius crept into Harry's room and gazed at his godson's sleeping form. He looked so innocent and peaceful. Sirius smiled and breathed a sigh of relief that Madam Pomfrey had forced a dreamless sleep potion down Harry's throat. No dreams from Voldemort tonight. Suddenly, He turned around, sensing that someone else had entered the room.   
  
"Hi." Remus said softly. "How is he?"  
  
"Just sleeping." Sirius replied.   
  
"I have something to give you." Remus said, conjuring up a chair and placing it beside Harry's bed, where Sirius sat.   
  
"What is it?" Sirius asked, furrowing his brow.   
  
Remus reached into the pocket of his robes and pulled out a small, well-worn, green drawstring bag. He carefully opened the bag, and dumped the contents- a rock into Sirius's hand.   
  
"A rock?" Sirius asked.  
  
"Actually, it's a 'worry rock.' When you're worried you're suppose to rub it. See how there's a dent in it? That's from me rubbing it. It wears through if you rub it enough… I figured you could use it more than me right now." Remus explained.   
  
Sirius tested the rock's smooth surface with his thumb and smiled.   
  
"Thanks Moony."   
  
Remus smiled back- a smile that meant more than any words could explain. The same smile Sirius had smiled at him.   
  
"Anytime Padfoot. After all, what are friends for?"   
  
Sirius went to sleep that night curled up in his dog form at the end of Harry's bed. He was still incredibly worried about his godson, but his heart felt a little more at ease knowing that he had Moony to help him through the crisis. 


	6. Worry and Confusion Reign Upon the Land

Disclaimer: Is it actually nessasary to inform anyone that I did not write the Harry Potter books?  
  
AN: Hi. Is anyone still reading this? Sorry about not updating for ages... i'm trying to teach people the virture of patience.   
  
CHAPTER SIX  
  
The next morning Sirius woke up feeling tired and confused, the way he usually felt after sleeping as Padfoot. Lightly, he jumped on the bed he has been sleeping on, and trotted out the door toward the direction in which the smell of food was coming from. Halfway towards the food, Sirius's brain finally caught up with Padfoot's instincts. "Harry." His brain shouted. With a soft pop, Sirius turn into a wizard and headed back to Harry's room.   
  
  
  
When he got there he came upon the amusing sight of Athena waking Harry up by licking his face. However, the mumbling coming out of Harry's mouth nearly broke Sirius' heart in two.   
  
  
  
"Please, Uncle, not today… it hurts to much… already…"  
  
"Harry." Sirius said softly, trying not to further scare the boy. "Wake up! It's ok, it's me, Sirius." He said sitting down on the bed.   
  
"Sirius?" Harry asked blearily. "What's- ow."  
  
"What is it?" Sirius asked worriedly.   
  
"I, well, I, nothings wrong, don't worry about me." He said after a pause.   
  
"Harry don't lie to me. Do you remember what happened last night?"   
  
"Yeah… I remember… the voice… and mum and dad… I killed them…I remember, all my fault." Harry whispered.   
  
Sirius was shocked. "How could you say that? How could you even think that? It's Voldemort's fault! You did nothing to hurt anyone! Why are you saying this?"   
  
Harry flinched and all but backed away from Sirius during his outburst. "I-I dunno." He muttered quickly, his shell springing back up.   
  
Sirius gave Harry a glare reminiscent, proving he had been spending too much time with the hippogriff. Suddenly his gaze softened, realizing what his glaring and emotional outbursts were doing to his godson.   
  
"Harry," Sirius said calmly, "tell me what's going on. You know you can trust me. Please."   
  
Harry's nod was so slight Sirius almost missed it. "I had a dream yesterday, you know, when I passed out."   
  
Sirius nodded, waiting for him to continue.   
  
"I was walking through a forest that seemed familiar somehow, when I came to a house… it was my parents house. I heard my mum singing from inside… she was singing to me, only the me inside the house was a baby. Then Voldemort came and started laughing and…" Harry's voice faltered for a moment.   
  
"Then he started talking to me, explaining to me how it was my fault that they died and Cedric too, but he was right Sirius. Everything he said made sense! If I died they would have lived." Harry cried, his voice breaking again.   
  
Sirius was speechless again, speechless and shaking with anger at Voldemort. How dare he do this to Harry? How dare he do this to anyone? Sirius got off the bed and began to frantically pace around the room, finally coming to a wall and kicking it as hard as he could. It didn't really make him feel better, but the pain in his foot distracted him from his anger a tiny bit. Finally the redness in his vision cleared enough for him to notice that Harry was shaking like mad, and looked ready to throw his arms up at any second to protect his head and a punch or kick.   
  
"Harry." Sirius whispered. "I'm so sorry. I should have controlled my anger, but I'm not going to hurt you. I would never hurt you." He said fiercely.   
  
Slowly Harry lowered his hands and looked up at Sirius.   
  
"I'm sorry." He said looking worried. "Sometimes I just… forget where I am. Like when I woke up… I woke up and everything hurt… I thought I was back at the Dursley's."   
  
Sirius held his breath. This was the most Harry has said to him about how the Dursley's treated him.   
  
"It was really bad there wasn't it?" Sirius asked cautiously.   
  
Harry shrugged. "It wasn't that bad, well, it was when I was younger, but when I got my Hogwarts letter… it stopped mostly."   
  
"What happened this summer?"   
  
"The Dursley's were mad about a joke Fred and George Weasley played on Dudley last summer… Dudley's tongue ended up being four feet long before it was shrunk…"   
  
Sirius raised an eyebrow.   
  
"They were mad about that," Harry continued "and they stopped believing you existed and I guess I stopped fighting back… I just… wanted to feel pain to make up for Cedric."   
  
Without warning, Harry felt Sirius grab him and pull him into a hug. At first Harry reflexively stiffened, but then, little by little his body began to relax and he realized Sirius was crying.   
  
"Sirius?" Harry whispered. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you sad! Please… I'm sorry."   
  
  
  
Sirius pulled backed and looked Harry in the face. He couldn't help feeling surprised and of course the terrible sadness that had been weighing against him, when he saw that this was the most upset he had ever seen Harry. In short time he had known him, Harry had never cried- and he wasn't now, but this was closest he had come. All because he thought he had upset Sirius.   
  
"Harry." He said carefully, "I'm not upset at you. But- it just hurts to see you like this."  
  
Harry hung his head.   
  
  
  
"And you have to get it into that head of yours that none of this is your fault. You did not kill anyone; Cedric would have died even if you weren't there and don't ever listen to anything Voldemort says! He's a completely nutters. If you had never been born, He still would have killed your parents. No one has died because of you and I'm going to remind you of this every day until you start believing it." Sirius finally stopped to breathe, then promptly started up again.   
  
"You never deserved any of this shit. Voldemort being after you, your uncle hurting you, none of it. You deserved to have a normal childhood with loving parent's lots of friends and gnomes in the garden. But you were dealt a bad hand and you've got to realize that it wasn't your fault."   
  
Harry finally looked up at Sirius, with fear, confusion. "No one's ever said that before."   
  
"Well they should have Harry, because it's true."   
  
"What about Uncle Vernon. I should have tried to fight him or run faster, or something…" Harry said miserably.   
  
"That stupid muggle outweighs you probably four times over! You couldn't have fought back. In fact, it was probably smarter that you didn't, he might have hurt you worse. As far as outrunning him, where would you have gone? He had ways to catch up with you. That man is just a mad old pig." Sirius couldn't help insulting Vernon.   
  
Confusion remained in Harry's eyes. "I never thought about it like that."   
  
"Well start thinking like that!" Sirius said gently. "I'm going to be reminding you of it everyday."   
  
Harry cautiously smiled his first smile in longer than he could remember.   
  
**********************************  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, at Hogwarts, Albus Dumbledore stood staring into his penseive. His mind had been puzzling over the events of the last few days, trying to figure out what was wrong with Harry Potter.   
  
What was wrong with Harry Potter? That had been a question on his mind for the last few years. Ever since Harry had started at Hogwarts he had been getting into situations that put him in mortal peril. True, a few of these situations had been orchestrated by Dumbledore himself, to test how formidable opponent for Voldemort Harry had grown to be, but even without the help of the puppet master Dumbledore, Harry still got himself into trouble.   
  
Then of course, there were the Dursley's. Oh the Dursley's. Dumbledore couldn't help curling his lip in a rather Snape-like manner when he thought of the Dursley's. His thoughts drifted back to that fateful Halloween night. After grieving for his friends, Lily and James, his logical mind had drifted to where little Harry would live. His first choice was Sirius Black, he knew they would be good for each other, and Dumbledore had never once suspected that Sirius could have "betrayed" his best friends. But of course, Dumbledore's hopes that Harry could have a happy childhood with his godfather were killed along with the thirteen people that had been in the street where Sirius and Peter Pettigrew had fought.   
  
Dumbledore's ever logical mind had then drifted to Lily's sister Petunia and her husband Vernon. Sure, Vernon was a muggle and Petunia was a Squibb who harbored a bitter hatred and jealousy toward all things magical, but in light of the tragedy, he was sure they would be glad to take in Harry. In fact, the optimistic part of his mind pointed out, this could even be better for Harry. Growing up apart from the wizarding world would make his less spoiled and there wouldn't be any fame to go to his head. Yes, living with the Dursley's would be good for Harry.   
  
So that was that. Harry Potter lived in the back of his mind for the next few years- Until he arrived at Hogwarts, looking a bit smaller and thinner than he should, but generally healthy. During his first year, Dumbledore kept close tabs on the boy to see how he had turned out. He was pleased to see that Harry was growing into a thoughtful, intelligent, adventurous, young mad. So, all was right in Dumbledore's world, concerning Harry. Putting him with the Dursley's had not been a mistake, and Harry was growing into a formidable opponent for Voldemort, should he return.   
  
Sadly, Dumbledore's orderly world was now shattered. Harry was not happy- or even healthy. He had been abused all his life by the people who were suppose to take care of him, and now Voldemort was easily reaching him through his dreams. For the first time in a very long time, the great, brilliant, wizard Dumbledore felt utterly lost and confused.   
  
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End file.
